Dear FIFA,
I find it difficult to write this letter. We met in the fall of ’96, and I remember it very well. After all, your first true love is not easily forgotten.
Since then, we have built a rich history together, with deep valleys and high peaks. It was love at first sight. I wanted to be with you constantly, preferably every minute of the day. We were both very young, perhaps somewhat naive, and had a lot to learn about the world.
Sometimes you made me angry. So incredibly angry. In fact, I can now admit that you’ve even made me cry at times. You could be mean and unfair, and I felt betrayed by you.
But often the next day, it was all forgiven, and I sought you out again. Then it was as if nothing had ever happened, and you made my heart beat faster once again.
A Blooming Love
I learned so many new things from you over the years, including how to handle (unfair) loss. You introduced me to fantastic music like “Rockafella Skank” by Fatboy Slim, “Flight 643” by DJ Tiësto, and “19-2000” by Gorillaz. You also taught me almost every player name that mattered because we both shared a love for the beautiful game of football.
After a while, I decided to introduce you to my parents. At first, they believed that I should only spend one hour a day with you. This made me furious, and I didn’t understand why. Secretly, I bypassed that rule. Sometimes, I got away with it, but sometimes we got caught, and then trouble was brewing.
However, over time, you and my parents grew closer to each other. Sometimes, my father even spent some time with us, which I always found fantastic. The “hour” rule was gradually lifted each year, and everything seemed hunky-dory.
The affair
But then something happened that I’m still a little ashamed of. In 2006, I had an affair. The routine had somewhat crept into our relationship, and Pro Evolution Soccer 6 gave me the thrill that I secretly longed for. It gave me feelings that I hadn’t experienced in a long time. PES 6, my petname for her, was more honest with me. I seemed to have more control over the affair than over my actual relationship with you. PES 6 was more reliable, gave me more pleasure, and ignited the lost passion in me.
When you found out, you were disappointed, but you seemed to understand. You never judged me and were always there when I needed something. Over time, you made me realize that my affair was based more on short-lived, intense passion. But you already knew that my heart belonged to you, and I later realized that too. It wasn’t too late, and for that, I was incredibly grateful.
It wasn’t easy, I realized I was in a bind. There were times when I bounced back and forth between you. I knew it was wrong, but I think I also harbored feelings of revenge. You had been so unfair to me so many times. You had often led me on and left me hanging. I wanted to get back at you. It was immature, but I did it anyway.
But after a few years, you and I found a calmer path. I realized how forgiving you were and started to get closer to you again. We had some good years. The intense passion from before was gone, but we had a stable and mature relationship.
Ultimate Team
However, in 2016, twenty years after we met, things went wrong again. You introduced me to a new game called Ultimate Team. It started off innocently and fun, but it ended up triggering the fits of rage that I hadn’t had since I was a kid. You were more unfair than ever. In fact, you began to act like a gold digger. I felt like you were always demanding more from me. Not only more time together, but also more of my money. Whether it was a small order of fries at the local snack bar or a visit to a five-star restaurant, I always had to pay. And when I did, you seemed satisfied for a brief moment and things seemed to be going well again. But that happiness never lasted long. The next week, sometimes even the next day, you would want me to pull out my wallet again. If I didn’t, you would get angry and try to sabotage me. Your hunger for more was insatiable, and I let you manipulate me.
That’s how it went for most of the year. And usually, when summer came, I had had enough. The summer vibes gave me a pleasant and welcome distraction from you. However, you never let yourself be beaten (just like when we were truly together. In those times, you enjoyed making me feel the sense of loss).
But in the summer, you tried with all your might to convince me that you were the one for me. You tried to reach me in all kinds of different ways. I couldn’t open my phone without finding a message from you. You made promises, endless promises, every year. Everything would get better, everything would become more stable. You promised to learn from your mistakes and prevent them from happening again in the future.
After you gave me a second chance after my affair, I couldn’t do anything but let you back in as well. I felt a kind of obligation, as if I had a debt to you that could never be fully paid off.
Stuck in an endless circle
And so, every autumn I let you back in, year after year. There was always a kind of honeymoon period. For a moment, I would fall in love again and only see the good things in you. Looking back, I think, what a fool I was for not seeing through your transparent manipulation. Everything was focused on winning me over again, and you succeeded. Whenever you felt like you had control over me again, your true nature would surface. I tried everything I could to keep you happy, often at the expense of my own happiness.
I watched countless YouTube videos with tips and spent my weeks on forums, searching for people in similar situations and looking for valuable tips. There, I discovered that I was not alone and that many shared my experience. It reassured me, but also made me uneasy. Many who found themselves in the same situation also seemed to never fully break free. Most knew they would be better off ending the relationship, but taking the actual step proved to be a hellish and sometimes impossible task.
And so it continued, like an endless circle. Every summer, you reignited the passion and love in me for a brief moment, but the honeymoon period got shorter every year. Where I used to distance myself from you around May, that shifted a little further forward every year.
Time to go our separate ways
In the last few years, I had had enough of you just after Christmas. To be honest, even a little earlier. But I didn’t want to be alone at Christmas, so maybe I was also keeping you on the hook.
This year, for the first time, I left you before Christmas. I think I finally realize that we’re not meant for each other. I notice that I’m becoming more interested in others, and less and less confident in you and our relationship. So please spare me your summer attempts this year, because it’s not going to work. Don’t knock on my door, don’t stalk me on my phone. Don’t try to approach me through my friends, because it’s not going to work, honey. I’m done with you, I’m done with us. Our relationship has been toxic for a long time, and I’m putting an end to it.
I know, I’ve said it before. In fact, I say it several times every year. But this time, I’m serious. Really. I mean it. You and I are done. Really.
